Yearning

Al Matin, Holy Magic Mother Fire – المتين

This is a small text I wrote in 2011, still living in the UK, where I was cyberstalked for years  yet unable to get justice. Instead I experienced further abuse by the legal profession (beware of “Human Rights” lawyers) and the police and drew abusive people to myself who tried to gain an advantage from my suffering. Sure, I was unprepared and naive about evil at the time, but the teachings are, that “normal” people are always in danger to be abused by those who embrace evil and that evil seeks both: perpetratrors and victims. It is a force in itself. I got a taste of what evil and authoritarian abuse actually means – in each of us. The experiences brought me to Islam, and to healing from the trauma that evil inflicted on me. Nowadays I pity the people who surrender to evil and who did evil to me. There is nothing they can hope for. Nothing they ever really own. Evil may be powerful for some time, yet it is doomed to fall into death and nothingness. Only goodness is beautiful and eternal.

المتين – The Eternal, 54th name

“If they turn away, then know that Allah is your Befriender – a Transcendent Patron, a Transcendent Helper!” ~ Holy Quran, 8:40

Days pass, I pray and I awake slowly from this strange numb dream. While diving to the bottoms of the bottomless seas to recover Inji, the Pearl, I see demons, jinns, confusion, shapeshifters, screams within screams, hardened faces.

And I see joy, life, what is eternaly true, Sadqa, the ancient forest never ending to grow, Khidr singing us sweet songs & lullabies, dreams form visions, visions form prayers, prayers form conciousness. Lla ilaha illallah, Muhammed al Rasool Allah. I love and so I am set free.

Mother, Father, endless supreme love – I pray daily. Friends come. Come and save us. Let’s be together. The friend of all friends fills us with love & endurance daily. Soul surviving, soul rising, from the bottomless sea of despair, oppression, pain.

There is a level of pain when you reached that you wish to cut your skin open, to give the screams inside your soul a physical manifestation. Now I know why some people cut themselves. To give their soul screams a manifestation, a shape, a form. The physical pain is a relief from the trauma of the soul. Fight the pain with fire.

The earth shakes in pain, she shakes so hard, manifesting her wounds, the violence humankind inflicts on her & itself. Rocks don’t cry? Rocks cry too. Earth, our womb, is soul too. Why does mankind have this hate, this lie about life in it’s mind? We seek refuge in you Allah, from the wicked shaytan, the expelled one. Fight the pain with fire.

Instead of cutting my flesh I cook with fire & pray. The apple with the encircled thorn in it’s skin rots in a drawer. I saw it today again and thought, evil shrinks like the apple. Warts or what, nothing Allah can not cure. (*) Seek refuge in her endless supreme love. Do not just hide in this refuge, recover the love & fight & do love magic.
* An old magic from Iran. To entrap a wart stick a rosethorn into an apple and encircle it. Pray over it for healing. Then let the apple rot. Wart goes.

Yearning

Yearning

What is magic? Magic is everything. Your thoughts are the key, your heart the key bearer. Silence the lies your mind has hoarded over times, and learn heart magic again. Simply love. Decide with every wakened breath if your thought is a blessing or a curse. Try it and go for the blessing. Get to know your thoughts. See what happens then.

To burn out the pain I recommend to eat chilli, deep, fiery, holy chillie, that makes your hands burn when tearing it, that burns your throat when swallowing it, that burns your skin wherever chillie touched it, makes your tired eyes weep. Oh the pain of the sweet terrible truth. Sweat tears and fire. All is good.

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Certain Feminists, Islam and the Far-Right

“The Head Scarf is the flag of the Islamic Crusade.” ~ Alice Schwarzer

The other day I read an article in the New York Times about Alice Schwarzer, a prominent German feminist, known since the 1970s for her acitivties. The New York Times even called her “pioneering”. Pioneering? Alice Schwarzer was very much present during my childhood in Germany. She represents my mother’s generation – she appeared on various media and is still a major figure in German feminism. Continue reading

Peonie in Arabesque by Roya Azal

From Radical Atom, to Dancing Atom

“O God of all gods, come to the aid of the people of Light, give the victory to the people of Light, and guide the light unto the Light!” ~ Shihābuddīn Yaḥyā Sohravardī (a.s)

After a short illness Armin Medosch, an Austrian net artist and activist has died on the 23rd of February 2017. I first met Armin in Munich and later I met him again in London, when I myself was working in media and the arts and went through all the madness and light-heartedness that was the early digital age. In Germany he was a collegue of mine at the Munich media lab and worked as editor at the German online magazin telepolis, the first of it’s kind, at an age when Online Magazins were entirely unheard of (the mid to late 90s).Continue reading

Forest with Arabeske

Learning from Khidr and Trees – My Life in the Forests

“You think you are a small entity, but within you is enfolded the entire Universe” – Ali ibn Talib (as)

“It is God who splits open the seed and the fruit stone. He brings out the living from the dead, and the dead from the living.” ~ Quran, Surat 6:100

One of the great blessings in my life are my encounters with Al-Khidr, the green spirit (Khiḍr resembles the word “green” in Arabic, though others give other etymologies for the name). One afternoon in England – in a park with a small forest – I encounterd a bright green light (that’s Clorophyl) in the moss and ever since I follow this light and began a conversation with trees and everything that grows. With time I learned more about the vast interconnected natural networks that surround us and I began to venture deeper into communicating and seeking to learn from them.

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Bird Praising God

Re-Framing Psychosis and the Psychotic Muslim

“So the first step in working with the psychotic individual is to get to know the person’s psychosis – begin to understand the person’s reifications. There is ALWAYS method to the madness.”

Our mental health “issues” deserve to be treated with respect and dignity – our issues relate to our untold stories, our pain our persecution and our ancestral and present-day experiences. There is no dignity in “tricking” those who got stories to tell. I am hence not supporting to “trick” the Jinn, as Jinns are in my book, the Quran and some other books too, sacred story tellers about our sadness, madness, condemption and redemption. Almost all mental ailments require engagement, not supression. And last but not least: Psychiatric medication can be extremely debilitating and can damage our brain, our metabolism, our natural bio-energy flow and pur subtle bodies.

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Spherical Bird

About Death and our Minds

These deaths of dear friends marked the end of the last year for me and before I could even fully comprehend what had happened, many political events took place that grabbed my attention.

Two friends have died just before the end of last year whose friendship meant much to me. May their souls rest in peace.

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Street Art

Protection from Mental Abuse and Manipulation

“I seek refuge in the Lord of daybreak. From the evil of that which He created. And from the evil of darkness when it settles. And from the evil of the blowers in knots. And from the evil of an envier when he envies.” ~ Surat Al-Falaq

“I wanted to go and study the religion … hoping that Allah is gonna cure me one day from the evil inside that I used to believe. But the doctors are saying it’s not evil — it’s mental illness.” ~ Sami Osmakac

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Sacred Tree Allah

Islam and Psychosis, Part 1: The Psychiatric Dystopia

“I once read about a Muslim man who was locked up in a Psychiatric hospital by his family. He begged a young Psychiatrist for help and repeated the Fatihah over and over again. What really got to me was the response of the Psychiatrist. He brushed the man off and could not see how that the man was calling for spiritual help. The most disturbing part for me was that the Psychiatrist himself was a Muslim.”

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