This is a small text I wrote in 2011, still living in the UK, where I was cyberstalked for years yet unable to get justice. Instead I experienced further abuse by the legal profession (beware of “Human Rights” lawyers) and the police and drew abusive people to myself who tried to gain an advantage from my suffering. Sure, I was unprepared and naive about evil at the time, but the teachings are, that “normal” people are always in danger to be abused by those who embrace evil and that evil seeks both: perpetratrors and victims. It is a force in itself. I got a taste of what evil and authoritarian abuse actually means – in each of us. The experiences brought me to Islam, and to healing from the trauma that evil inflicted on me. Nowadays I pity the people who surrender to evil and who did evil to me. There is nothing they can hope for. Nothing they ever really own. Evil may be powerful for some time, yet it is doomed to fall into death and nothingness. Only goodness is beautiful and eternal.
المتين – The Eternal, 54th name
“If they turn away, then know that Allah is your Befriender – a Transcendent Patron, a Transcendent Helper!” ~ Holy Quran, 8:40
Days pass, I pray and I awake slowly from this strange numb dream. While diving to the bottoms of the bottomless seas to recover Inji, the Pearl, I see demons, jinns, confusion, shapeshifters, screams within screams, hardened faces.
And I see joy, life, what is eternaly true, Sadqa, the ancient forest never ending to grow, Khidr singing us sweet songs & lullabies, dreams form visions, visions form prayers, prayers form conciousness. Lla ilaha illallah, Muhammed al Rasool Allah. I love and so I am set free.
Mother, Father, endless supreme love – I pray daily. Friends come. Come and save us. Let’s be together. The friend of all friends fills us with love & endurance daily. Soul surviving, soul rising, from the bottomless sea of despair, oppression, pain.
There is a level of pain when you reached that you wish to cut your skin open, to give the screams inside your soul a physical manifestation. Now I know why some people cut themselves. To give their soul screams a manifestation, a shape, a form. The physical pain is a relief from the trauma of the soul. Fight the pain with fire.
The earth shakes in pain, she shakes so hard, manifesting her wounds, the violence humankind inflicts on her & itself. Rocks don’t cry? Rocks cry too. Earth, our womb, is soul too. Why does mankind have this hate, this lie about life in it’s mind? We seek refuge in you Allah, from the wicked shaytan, the expelled one. Fight the pain with fire.
Instead of cutting my flesh I cook with fire & pray. The apple with the encircled thorn in it’s skin rots in a drawer. I saw it today again and thought, evil shrinks like the apple. Warts or what, nothing Allah can not cure. (*) Seek refuge in her endless supreme love. Do not just hide in this refuge, recover the love & fight & do love magic.
* An old magic from Iran. To entrap a wart stick a rosethorn into an apple and encircle it. Pray over it for healing. Then let the apple rot. Wart goes.
What is magic? Magic is everything. Your thoughts are the key, your heart the key bearer. Silence the lies your mind has hoarded over times, and learn heart magic again. Simply love. Decide with every wakened breath if your thought is a blessing or a curse. Try it and go for the blessing. Get to know your thoughts. See what happens then.
To burn out the pain I recommend to eat chilli, deep, fiery, holy chillie, that makes your hands burn when tearing it, that burns your throat when swallowing it, that burns your skin wherever chillie touched it, makes your tired eyes weep. Oh the pain of the sweet terrible truth. Sweat tears and fire. All is good.